Christian Carnival is up at Thinking in Christ.

While reading the summaries I did a massive double take. Jennifer Knapp came out?! Did not expect that. It is hard to know what to think right now. Funnily enough, my first thought was shame at how out of touch I am with the Christian music industry, considering how much time I spent in radio and at concerts begging for interviews.

Jennifer Knapp was one of my favourite female artists, and I won’t qualify that with “Christian” because she was comparable to any secular artist. Great sound, great lyrics and a great sense of spiritual hunger. We even tried covering one of her songs in the mighty “Only Human”, one of two Christian cover bands I was in back when I had hair!

I know for some of her fans that this news would have ruined their enjoyment of her music, and there would be a sense of betrayal, but it doesn’t really change that much for me. This news doesn’t dilute the power of her music, in fact it gives it more resonance. Reading this article, you get a real sense of conflict, of someone desperately seeking to reconcile their faith with where their heart is, and searching for grace. Isn’t that what Christianity is about? It certainly was what I always got from her music, and listening now I will have a bit more understanding of what her music is saying.

I listen to plenty of music by musicians whose lifestyles I don’t agree with (I love Queen for example), I am not going judge Jennifer Knapp anymore harshly than I do Freddie Mercury.

As for whether she can still be called a “Christian Artist”, I think she is right in saying that she probably isn’t going to get much shelf space in Christian music stores, or airtime on Christian radio (thought Life FM here doesn’t seem too picky about who they play). I have always been uncomfortable with that label, because it has always seemed so limiting and excuse for mediocrity that wouldn’t be accepted in the wider market. What is Christian music anyway? Songs with explict Christian themes? Songs by a Christian about anything? There are plenty of Christians singing “mainstream music”. How perfect do you have to be before you can present yourself as a Christian artist? Maybe all that’s are questions for another day.

But, she is honest enough to admit that where she wouldn’t call herself a Christian artist, and I think that is a good thing. I do think that if people present themselves in a certain way they become role models and have a responsbility to try and be an example, and I don’t think she is in a place where she can do that.

Ten years ago, this would have devastated me, and I probably would have stopped listening to her music. Back then, I put people up on pedestals and demanded perfection, even though I was far from perfect myself. When they proved to be less than perfect, I felt betrayed. Now, while some might say I have become a compromiser, I like to think I have matured in my faith and I understand that we are all sinners who fall short of God. I can recognise Jennifer Knapp for who she is, a flawed human just like me who is in need of God’s grace.

I feel sorry for her, that interview paints a picture of someone who is unhappy and confused and conflicted, and I will be praying that God works in her life and restores her to wholeness so that she can make peace with herself and with Him.